Your Marriage Or Your Life?

Thirteen years ago, while I was still living in Lagos, I saw a very tragic news on TV about a certain young couple. The man, who was probably in his early forties, had a habit of beating and battering his wife. The woman's family were quite worried about this ugly trend and advised her on several occasions to be separated from her husband, but she refused.

The man's family also sternly warned and scolded their renegade son, but the physical abuse continued unabated. It got to a point that his own family advised their poor daughter-in-law to divorce their son — but she stayed on. 

One particular day, while beating his wife, he went too far and got her killed! He was arrested by the authority and six months later he was being tried in court for murder!  The Magistrate, seeing no need to unnecessarily stretch the sad case, sentenced him to death by hanging! The image of that weeping man, handcuffed both hands and legs, led away by soldiers to be hanged, has stayed with me ever since.

Within a year, two lives were lost, two promising destinies cut-short, two families emotionally devastated, because a woman chose her marriage over her life! Now, I'm no way in support of men who beat-up their wives — never! I think only a coward and a fool would his lay hands on a woman. However, that being said, women shouldn't have to subject themselves to marital abuse all in the name of staying married. 

For years, I've tried to put myself in that woman's shoes, to try to understand why she stayed with a man that turned her into his punching bag! And as I've gotten older and a little bit wiser, not that age always comes with wisdom; here are some of the reasons I think might make a woman remain in marital abuse.

Perhaps, one of the main reasons why most women continue to live with a man who consistently abuse them both physically and psychologically, is because they are afraid of having to start all over again. It probably took her lots of years and hard work to finally get someone to say “Will you marry me”. So, rather than protect herself and children, she continues to suffer in silence.

Another reason, I think, why most women remain in abusive homes is to avoid the stigma attached to the word 'divorce'. Sometimes, it's what the 'church folks' will say that bother them the most. Perhaps she's a Minister, a Pastor or Deaconess. She had mentored many young wives and counselled many married couples. What will people say? 

You married woman reading this article, who's a victim of domestic violence, I'm not even going to pretend to say that I understand what you're going through, because I don't. But if there's one thing I know — it's that no man or marriage is worth your life! You're God's precious daughter and He loves you very much. 

By the way, God said “I hate divorce” not the “divorcee”. So even if your marriage were to come to an end today, I hope you know it isn't the end of the world? God didn't create us to get married. Marriage is not a calling. The purpose of marriage is to help us fulfill our calling, and if any marriage wouldn't help you fulfill God's purpose for your life, then that marriage isn't worth keeping. Now, I'm not saying to go get a divorce as soon your spouse starts abusing you. But a change of environment wouldn't be so bad would it? 

To all the single women reading this: well you know what they say — to be forewarned is to be fore harmed. Let no baga treat you like trash, even though he's has charming as Alex Avi (☺). You're a treasure and you're every man's dream. And peradventure one day life should ask you — “your marriage or your life?”. Don't hesitate for a minute — chose life!